Spring is here

I started to get back on track yesterday. It’s always a process of rebuilding those healthier habits. I decided to take today off from work because last week was a challenge and the upcoming week will be all meetings. I am debating if I will show up for a meeting at 11AM. So it’s spring and my mind is awake after a long hard winter. I started a design class, just like I wanted. I am trying to refocus my efforts on weight loss. That is important to me, but one thing that is really important that I have lacked on is fitness. I have been in such a depressed state the past year or so. I have been slowly trying to integrate fitness back in. I dislike working 10 hour days, it sucks it right out of me. I suppose I am adjusting to it. Am I terrible that I’d rather take a pay loss and work 32 hours.

up 10 pounds

About a month ago I had decided to cut out dessert and sweets. I wanted to see what a difference it would make on me. The first few days I noticed the scale went down and I had a headache. Then I started feeling more hungry. I wanted to eat more in other areas. It could have been a psychological thing but I started gaining. A girl I follow on youtube has talked about this, when she denied herself too much she’d want to eat more. So I lasted about two weeks. And I really don’t know how or why but somehow during this time frame I gained back the official ten pounds I had lost last year. I am back up at 164 lbs.

I want to start by saying, I care and I want to lose it but I am also at a better place. There are a few reasons why. I have had a few things happen in the past two weeks that have awakened my mindset. In 2003, I went through a cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) program that changed my life. I suffered from anxiety and depression and struggled to hold a job. After this program I changed my life. I have struggled through the years still with it. But after leaving a long time job I had floundered for years. The past four years have been so hard on me. And my state of mind has really diminished due to this. I have been struggling. A chatted with a friend and she noted to me that I was in such a negative self mindset. And a light came on. I have been. And I am not perfect by any stretch but she made me realize that I can pray and read the bible but how I talk to myself is damaging my whole life. It was that day I decide to refocus my efforts on cbt and finding joy. I picked up a book called Renew by Julie Winter and started working on finding joy. I don’t need to punish myself because I think I am not doing enough or not good enough. That will only give me misery.

So then I stumbled on noom again. I have written a few reviews about noom and I still feel similiarly about the program but I also believe sometimes we need help. Sometimes a guide in life can help us get on track and refocus our efforts. Noom has updated the program since when I tried it the first time back in 2019. One of the things I loved about the program initially was that it was very positive. I have decided to try this option again and work on positive psychology paired with faith. After I found this I stumbled on a video that also was enlightening. A gentleman was speaking about the importance of prayer and not being gluttonous as a christian. I am sure there are readers who are not believers I wasn’t until the past couple years but I am a believer now and it never occurred to me to pray before a meal. To slow down and be mindful of what God has given us and pray on the meal. This was a big slap in the face. So it’s interesting to me how things happen, that I was feeling so much self hate over my body and weight and God brought me the tools to help with that and my new job.

Off the rails

I started new job. The stress is high while learning a new job. I was thinking about how high my weight is and how when I fall off the wagon there are some specific things I do:

  • I do not weigh myself
  • I eat fast
  • I snack often with reckless abandon
  • I figure it doesn’t matter because I already ate this or that

So I have some things I want to try. I have the next four days off. I want to try waking early, drinking water and exercising all four days. I want to try fasting until 11 and having a shake. Can I do it? I hope so. I want to have a piece of meat and veggies for dinner and yes I want to have dessert. This seems sustainable when I consider it.

Sugar free me

Ok, not really but I am trying! I am on day 5 of no dessert or candy. I have been trying to have more protein instead. The scale has moved down a pound but I also got better sleep. I can not express enough how valuable sleep is to your body, especially as you age. It blows my mind and it also reflects on the scale.

I am feeling clearer this morning too, it could be psychological but here it is. Of course I have been immersing myself in articles about how bad sugar is and how to break this habit. One of the things they talk about is how their skin looks so much better without it, so I am looking forward to letting you know if that is true.

Sugar experience

Whenever I change stuff or make a change like this I rant and rave so sorry for the repetitive posts. So today is day four of cutting back on sugar in the form of desserts. I am 47 years old and I have eaten dessert and or candy every day probably for my entire life, so this is the longest stretch I have gone! Last night and today I was experiencing really bad head pain and body aches. I am amazed that I’d say the head pain is almost worse than when I stopped drinking coffee. With that said I have a very strange thing I have noticed. I am only 4 days free of this and .6 lbs. down which is minuscule but I feel oddly trimmer, maybe less bloated? But I def do not feel as fat, and I don’t know how that is possible being only 4 days. I will keep you posted if I notice any differences.


So for the probably the first time in my life I have cut out dessert. I have been trying to eat healthier and watch calories as well. But the real biggie for me is the sugar. I am still having fruit and I have a shakeology shake for lunch that is sweet. But I am not have cookies, candy, or cake, etc. I am on day four of this. Last night I had a massive headache and felt shaky. So like usual when I make a change l like this I start to analyze it. The good or the bad, etc. First I want to say I feel more alert today, but I also feel less bloated. I haven’t lost much since I have been eating better, but its only been 4 days. I have literally seen the scale reduce .2 lbs. each day. So in the past when I have tried to lose weight I cut calories but still have dessert. This is further proof that a calorie isn’t just a calorie! I am down .6 lbs. in the past 4 days. I am not doing anything different in terms of calorie cutting and weight loss other cutting out the dessert. I also want to note that in the past when I have started a weight loss plan it takes me weeks to find a “balance” to see the scale move DOWN. I am not kidding with this. I’d have to adjust and change things and it would still be a delicate process that would bust easily! I’d start going down to jump up two pounds. I am curious how this will work with cutting out dessert. I am excited to see this through.


I also want to note I watched some videos about this stuff and I come to wonder if sugar is so incredibly addictive and bad for you that its actually not worth the whole, we should do things in moderation concept? I always used to think I should be able to enjoy cookies or ice cream and eat healthy. What if its just such a horrible chemical compound that wrecks your system? What if this product made it so you slowly gained weight, wanted more and so that it would hinder potential weight loss? I don’t know if that is the case but I have been needing to lose 20 lbs. for the past 4 years and its been difficult. I love that I blame being 47 but what about the crap I put in my mouth?



Day 2 no sweets

Day 2 of no dessert! No kidding this might be the first time in like a decade or more that I have not had dessert. I have always eaten dessert throughout the day or after dinner. My goal is to go 60 days and see how I feel! I am on day two and proud of myself. I am feeling super depressed though but that is due to other stuff.

Today I also started to eat less carbs. I did pretty well. I am uncertain what someone has for breakfast if there are no eggs? What is high protein and low or no carbs that you can eat for breakfast?

A friend told me you won’t start seeing the pay off of no sugar until at least day 45. I think its interesting and will try this out. I am eager to see if I can lose weight more easily because in the past it was stubborn and slow. Wonder if maybe sugar causes the perfect storm in your body to disrupt your hormones.

I also wonder if it builds over time and takes a long time to change from not eating it. Like when you first start eating it you don’t see weight gain and you can even keep it in your diet while you lose weight but as you get older does it build something up in your system that causes weight to not come off.

Not one for fads

Weight loss tends to be slow and labored for me. I am definitely not one for fad diets. I always believe that consistency and slow is the way. But I have been in such a funk. Changing jobs is never great. I have been slowly coming out of it with spring cleaning and changes in my life. But I want to be fit and trim. I am almost back at 160 lbs. I am still 25 lbs away from my goal. I am tired of letting stress control me. Between eating crappy foods to biting my nails. I need to get off the train of letting stress control my life and take control of it for myself. I don’t need the kid to be out of school. I I just need to balance my life so that I care for myself. I have a space for step. I plan to do my step and walking to get back on track. I have been feeling like the thing that slows me down the most is the whole a calorie isn’t just a calorie. I think its the sugar intake. I am going to make attempts to remove dessert and also reduce carb intake. Starting tomorrow I am going for this. I was thinking about trying low carb meals. And trying to fast longer. So here it goes. Why not right? I read amazing things about sugar reduction improving skin too! I want that. And you know what my kid laughed at me when I said I was ditching sugar. LOL. I want to make this attempt. At least for 30 days to see what I think. I am also trying to work out for 3 days a week with one day of good stretching.

Here we go…

September rolls into February?

I was doing great all last year and I was on a role. In September I started craving coffee again. I have been drinking decaf, but what I find odd is the lack of focus I have for my journey when I drink coffee. I am going to quit drinking it again. I also just started another new job. This past year has been hard. The job I had was a terrible match for me and this one I have no idea. Whatever at this point. Does it matter? I feel pretty confident I will have nothing when I retire either way. So at least I am working right? Anyway I am going to attempt to get back on the wagon tomorrow by logging my food intake and stopping with the decaf. I don’t think its positive for me. I will also try to eat more veggies. I am going to look into veggie food plans or salads because I enjoy that the most. It leaves me feeling lighter but satisfied.

January 2023

Welcome to January, the time when everyone decides to go to the gym and lose weight. I just spent the last month eating way too much salt. I am in the process of NOT letting it turn into weeks, months, and years of off the wagon. I am doing okay. Though I did just have a cookie with my breakfast. Here I am trying to get back to what I started. My plan is not part of a NY resolution though, I am all set with that! Mine is an always working on this.

I have been walking for a long time and though it works for some parts it not great for cardio, strength, or flexibility. Those are the areas I want to focus on this year. Sorry I have been struggling to wrap my brain around ideas lately. Busy with work and school and I don’t even know what else. Here is to a new year full of health, love, and friends.