Best life…

For the past two years we have toyed with the idea of moving down south. My family ties are up here. Not because they put their foot down but I did because I thought it was for the best, but I am starting to wonder. My last move was because I needed my own space and here, I am again in that same position where we have outgrown because I am a push over and I am again without my own space. I am still resistant of such a massive life changing move. But everything in our lives is remote. And I am 46 years old. My life seems a bit empty and sad. I just wonder if I am living my best life by remaining here. Is it time for that change? It would give us more space. I used to stay here for him and the others. But how is staying improving or making our lives better? Can I afford a house down there? We could have warmer weather and a fence in the yard. New friends or a school?  

I do not know I am still undecided, but it just recently hit me that this is not our best option anymore and I could get assistance to relocate.  


I’m not sure what this post will be called but its kind of a mishmash of thoughts. Have you ever taken one of thos personality tests? They identify who you are, and all these traits in relation to how you work. I have taken it a few times, my personality is always introverted and harmony. I try to be the peacemaker. Maybe thats my role growing up in a family where I was the baby and it was turbulent? As a late teen I was abused and didn’t have anyone to stand for me. What he did to me was horrible and there is something that happens when you are a victim of abuse where you actually blame yourself instead of realizing the person who did the horrible stuff to you was the adult taking advantage of you. I didn’t expect my post to go here but yes, it did. I have been kind of a mess and lived my life all over the place. I got lucky landing a great job but I have always struggled to stand up for myself. This is not a good trait for someone who is a single mother. Yes, I have come a long way and done a lot for myself. But at the end of the day what I just did was cow down. I like usual had NO support for people who should be supporting. And honestly why did I think I would. So I am at a place right now; where I realized stuff about who I am and I want to fix it. I knew when all this stuff was going on and the fight would come to my door, I’d be scared. But I didn’t think I’d cow down; and worse is the horrible feeling of pure regret and disdain for myself. I have been praying for forgiveness, strength and healing. But the other problem is that I don’t know what is up or down. I want to live my remaining days in peace but I am not having much support or ideas on what to do.

Emotional Eating

This is such a challenge to overcome. The first time when emotional eating reared its ugly head for me, I remember thinking I’d lose weight after I got through this really difficult time. It was when my ex and I first separated and I needed to sell the house and move. It was so overwhelming for me. I was stressed and depressed. I didn’t have time to consider myself but just ate horribly and used this as an excuse. I was able to reel this back in eventually but it took time.

The next time I fell apart was when my father died and I inherited my mother. Then she got cancer. That was a difficult time in my life. And this time in my life rolled into buying a house, covid shutdowns, child at home schooling, a new job etc.

The reality is that life is a constant roller coaster of times like this. It happens to us all the time because things fall apart all the time. Reaching for food and laying on the couch is not the answer. I know sometimes it hard to find other answers because I am you, I struggle with this too.

The truth is you are responsible for you and your health. Falling apart and hoping for a savior or a fix is silly, because its never going to happen. You need to step up and care for yourself no matter how difficult it is. Your body and health is YOUR EVERYTHING. Without this you have nothing.

There are certain times during the day this is worse for me. Typically, its at the end of a long stressful day at work. I am starving. If I am not mindful of being in this state I will mindlessly stuff food in my mouth while cooking dinner.

So how to stop this? To help control this I will drink water while making dinner. Another trick is have a clear meal plan ahead of time. This helps to eliminate the possibility of veering off course. If you eat a handful of chips before dinner you already had 140 calories. The truth is if you are accountable to yourself and honest about what is going into your mouth by logging it all you will be more aware.

What about when you just don’t care? I know what that feels like. Try to busy yourself with the task at hand. Typically that feeling hits me at the end of the day. I try to hang strong and realize that tomorrow will be a fresh start. It’s your health. You can do this because you matter even if some days your brain lies to you and tries to sabotage you!

How do you help curb your emotional eating?

Diet Industry: AKA The Broken System

Here in America if you look around you, you will see the true pandemic isn’t covid19, but obesity. Obesity creeps around us under the guise that something is wrong with those people. What are they doing wrong? Is it really us?

Our culture has been under attack for 50 years now, and its not just the family unit that is suffering, but individual health both mental and physical. At first it may be difficult to see because it was slow moving insidious how it creeped in to our health, science, and diet industries. But you can see these problems in our people.

Remember when covid first started we had no idea what to do, because no one knew anything about it. The way it was handled was not from a leadership standpoint, in any part of the world. All leaders seemed to react the same and all front facing health officials seem to be just as wishy-washy as the next. Now, look back to how the diet industry has been handled? The onslaught of diets, what works, what doesn’t work, its constantly changing. And the “foods” we have so easily accessible to us are loaded with chemicals. The same chemicals if you spoon-fed them to a child you’d be arrested for child abuse or trying to kill them.

You may think its FREEDOM to eat whatever you want and sit around doing whatever you want. Yes, I agree as an individual we have the choices and the tools, but realize that we have been deceived with confusion. This is our life we are given, and we have only right now. But please be aware, as you can take control of what might be out of control for you, it wasn’t because you just so happened to land here. The state you are in, needing to lose weight or out of shape has been by design. You have control of you, please take this control and do your best to NOT let the diet / health industry continue to steer you in the direction of being fat and sick. These systems in place have turned into toxic relationships. Let’s join together and tell them no thank you.

Reality Check

When you first start dieting and exercising you are hit with a big reality check. The one where you realize weight loss is a slow and life long process. Its not just from her to the pretty dress or vacation. If you are in it for that you will realize quickly that it’ll come back once you stop trying to be focused. The truth is, if you aren’t one of those people who are naturally thin then you are with me in the battle. I know some are more fortunate than others. It’s just how life goes. You win some, lose some. No matter what!

The reality is if you are finding yourself in the position of needing to lose 20 + pounds there is a good chance you might be life me. You might need to always make sure you are within specific calories even after you lose the weight that you want to lose. My experience with my mother, who struggled with eating disorders for many years is that she always would say, “what am I am I going to do when I get to my goal weight.” Like as though there was no choice but to keep dieting at that point so you might as well give in? And as silly as it sounds that kind of stuck with me.

The last time I lost weight after I lost it I liked where I was at a weight that wasn’t my goal and then I started to just eyeball my calories. That got me here today, struggling to lose 30 pounds. Its interesting when you are on the up and if you life is full of stress you will make excuses. Well I did!

Point of this post is that sometimes when we start dieting we need a little reality check about your goal and your future.

Hysterectomy Experience

Because of my anxiety I was so reluctant to have this procedure. I want to share my experience without going into the gory details.

It started in my early 30’s having a lot of fibroid tumors and heavy cycles, with a lot of pain. I had a procedure done called a myectomy where they remove them and you go about your life again. But in my 40’s it started again and each year it got progressively worse until I needed to talk to the doctor about it. Because I am a natural type of person I first tried to change this through diet and exercise but as you know from my other posts (if you read them), I really struggled with endless issues going on the last 5 years. This probably added to the worsening of my tumors. The doctor had a few options for me and I decided the laparoscopic vaginal hysterectomy was the right option for me.

The first time I was scheduled during covid I was pushed out, the second time I got cold feet due to my fears of surgery. Then I finally decided I can’t put this off anymore. I am so happy to have gotten this surgery. I was in a group online and other women experienced issues after the surgery. I had none and I feel like it was the best decision I have ever made. So now when I have my “period” / “pms,” I actually don’t even experience cramps or pain like I did before but I do have mood swings. But they are nothing compared to what I had before. My recovery went well, and the swelling is the worst of it. I am so grateful it worked out for me.

On a side note, I really suffer from anxiety as I mentioned before so this was a huge deal for me. I did NOT want to do this procedure but it was really the only option for me based on the various other health options. I felt the most comfortable with this choice.

I recommend the website hyster sisters if you are going through this process as well.