Mental Health

Caffeine and the hunger hormone

/ Rachel H. / Leave a comment

I recently dropped coffee after drinking it on and off for 20 or more years. At a young age my mother informed me that coffee helped with weight loss. I always thought it did and I have always drank my coffee in fear that I’d gain even more weight losing it. Well that wasn’t the only reason, it is also very addictive. But I really thought, especially while dieting that I needed that boost. That it helped to lose weight. But I am wondering if the opposite was true for me, maybe there are key elements in the coffee that make it so on paper that would be true but what if the other effects outweighed it? I am not saying that this is true for everyone, but for me I am wondering if it was true. Last June I had started with trying to lose weight and get fit. Outside stress really hit me the end of July. It was life changing and it sucked. But then I fell off the wagon. I have always consistently drank my morning coffee. And when I say morning coffee I mean 2-4 large cups with cream. I loved it. And I still do in terms of a drink but in terms of the effects I noticed issues:

  1. Everyday I was stressed, yes I have a new job but the level of stress and reactive I was was over the top. I would be ready to pop stressing out about stuff all day long.
  2. I was exhausted all day and felt like I didn’t have time to complete anything and oddly I work from home and have no commute or social life
  3. I was reactive to everything, like before understanding something I would freak out.
  4. I would drink lots of coffee and I would be starving after having a surpressed appetite; but then I’d have a crash, not necessarily tired but shake or irritable
  5. I was unable to recommit to my health and found myself in the loop of promising myself every single day I would do better and by the end of the day I would say tomorrow
  6. I felt hopeless

I don’t entirely blame coffee for all this but the anxiety and stress it helped to egg on created a lot of these issues. It amazes that I am a week without it and I notice all this. As silly as it sounds I have more free time to do things. I used to have sit and drink my coffee it was consuming, it took up at least an hour or more a day. But the time loss on the other side of that created by stress and resting was also a lot of time. I would just sit and stare at my cellphone instead. I feel like it wasted a large part of my years. I know people don’t consider it a drug; but it definitely is. My mind without it is so different. And this last time I stopped drinking it the addiction withdrawals have been worse. I am almost over it. The first 4-5 days are the worst but I am still feeling small effects from the withdrawals. I was consistently blogging for a long time and loving it and I dropped off. That was when it was really horrible and honestly I couldn’t even put together a consistent thought. It was more like freethinking than writing with one subject matter in mind.

So with all this said how does it tie into weight loss? So I always thought it improved it. In recent years when trying to lose pounds my body has stubbornly held onto every single pound and maybe it still will but at least I have my brain back to try. I have already noticed a slight drop since I started last week and I will keep at it. I am excited and happy to be back to this journey and I hope to lose 20 pounds. I would like to lose 30 but I haven’t been that weight since 2004! LOL.

Ok off I go to work.

Caffeine and your mood

/ Rachel H. / Leave a comment

I am not a doctor. I am not a scientist. I am a person who is posting my experiences. 

I stopped drinking coffee again. This is probably the fourth time in my life I have quit. To be clear, quitting coffee is not easy. Which is why this is the fourth time I have quit! It is easy to fall back into drinking coffee if you are not clear on why you are stopping, and your plan is moving forward. What do I mean? Well, aside from being socially acceptable it is on every single street corner. If you are like me, with your 3-4 cups of coffee each day it becomes a habit you think you need, and it also is used to waste time. It takes me 2 hours of “waking up” with my morning coffee. And please don’t forget how expensive this habit is too. I have a super addictive personality; so, I can’t have just one (and I don’t want to anymore either now that I realized what it was doing to me).  

You might be surprised to realize how physically addictive it is. The first withdrawal symptom I noticed was a massive headache. This headache is tied to your brain getting more blood than it used to because caffeine restricts that. This may not be the scientific speech of this, but this is basically the gist. After that dissipates you will notice body aches, in particular for me its back pain that goes through my legs and ankles. This happens to me on days 3-6.  

But here is what I am really here to tell you. The level of anxiety I was experiencing at work this past year has been intense. Stopping coffee, though it’s a challenge it has made a huge difference for me and how stressed I am. I am much calmer. It gets better too. I had been focused on weight loss last year and I have been struggling to find the will and drive to care about myself again. To want to be more healthful. I have not had it in me to consistently exercise or try to eat healthier. In the past two days my mind has woken up in a positive way. It’s bizarre to me that I feel better mentally, less stressed out and I want to take care of myself. All by stopping coffee. I am on day 6 of no coffee. I had to take a few naps a day at first, but I am actually starting to have more energy. 

And another upside. Though I didn’t put sugar in my coffee, I did like cream. That is a big reduction in my calorie intake, and it lets me actually enjoy food instead when eating at a calorie deficit. So here I am weighing in at 165 pounds with the goal being 145 pounds. I am going for it, and I feel pretty dang great. 

By the way, I have decided based on the research I have done about coffee that this isn’t a 30-day quit but a forever goodbye to my old friend. If you go to google and search about coffee being bad or good for you, you will find articles about why you should drink coffee and it improves your mood. Sure, it does, that first time you drink the drug but then there after you chase the high. It causes adrenal fatigue, which is basically making you more tired, it causes anxiety, it depletes your iron which causes premature graying, it damages your gut, and I really think it messes up the chemistry of your brain as well as your hormones. So, I am excited to jump back in to regain my body and mind.  

And I am up 10 pounds

/ Rachel H. / Leave a comment

Ever since last November I have been off the rails struggling and it has steadily gotten worse. I am in such a dark place with work and homelife being stressful. It’s all one place. I started a new job in April. I had another family member move into my already small home. I am not happy at all with my life decisions. The job I started is not my tech skill set at all and I am pretty much lost. And I am miserable with this change. This morning I decided to find out my weight after I put on my sports bra and felt like I put on a corset and there it was 10 of my 20 pounds I worked so hard to lose last year. Here I am, despite feeling like I want to crawl under a rock attempting to show up for my health. I am 46 years old, soon to be 47. It’s all that I have left in this short life. So today is the first day of this and I will take some steps. I am here to attempt to get back on track and I will do measurements as well.

A few days ago, I speculated I was 165, thinking it was an over and estimate and I’d weigh myself when I was ready. Again, I go back to this, I always fall off track when I stop weighing myself but really it was more the stress. I will try to not weigh in daily but to get back on track and weigh in again next week?? I don’t know I am such a strong advocate on the daily weigh in. I have lost what type of foods work best for a calorie deficit.

HELP.

By the way the guy who always disappears, faded away for more than his two-four-week stint and it was about 4 months. I decided to check out some stuff online and found he went to a dress up event with ex during that time frame. I am all done with this.

Dissection of failure

/ Rachel H. / Leave a comment

The title of this post is harsh and not that accurate as I do not believe in failure. Failure to me is when you give up and stop trying. I have never given up on anything. I might not be successful, but I always return back to try again.

Weigh in day… So, the last time I logged in I was at 156, and after three months I am now at 158.8 lbs. This was on a different scale, but I will weigh in again tomorrow on my normal scale. So here I am to try to lose the last 15 lbs. I will do my best. I have been eating a lot of pringles and dessert. I know horrible! Today I am logging out my calories and I also ordered recipe books for low calorie recipes. The reason is that I have a list of reasons that I fell off the wagon last time and lost focus. Life just happens. Do the reasons matter?? I feel like they do not, but I also wonder if I address them, will it help me to avoid it this time around?  

  • Work stress, which a given but it seemed like I had hit a place normal when they threw the stupid mandates into the mix. 
  • Distraction of the holidays 
  • Winter gloom 
  • Stress of homeschooling 

Stress will always exist. One thing that bothers me is the distraction level I have but also the loss of motivation. It is like the wind blows and it is all a great idea and the next day I cannot get out of bed. Does anyone here relate to this? I know that the BEST way for me to get past this is to consistently push myself every single day to create the habit. If the habit exists, it will kick into gear when the loss of motivation is there. I have done 100-day challenges before and got to day 90 and just quit. You catch a cold or severe weather or lose power and that is it you are done.  

Best life…

/ Rachel H. / Leave a comment

For the past two years we have toyed with the idea of moving down south. My family ties are up here. Not because they put their foot down but I did because I thought it was for the best, but I am starting to wonder. My last move was because I needed my own space and here, I am again in that same position where we have outgrown because I am a push over and I am again without my own space. I am still resistant of such a massive life changing move. But everything in our lives is remote. And I am 46 years old. My life seems a bit empty and sad. I just wonder if I am living my best life by remaining here. Is it time for that change? It would give us more space. I used to stay here for him and the others. But how is staying improving or making our lives better? Can I afford a house down there? We could have warmer weather and a fence in the yard. New friends or a school?  

I do not know I am still undecided, but it just recently hit me that this is not our best option anymore and I could get assistance to relocate.  

Weeks can roll into years.

/ Rachel H. / Leave a comment

Maybe it’s the time of year but I just can’t seem to get back on track. I am feeling lazy and horrible. Is it January and February pit? I actually can’t believe its already February! I fell off the wagon and I have floundered around unable to get back on track. I have been completely distracted with finishing school with my daughter, learning REACTJS, and finding a new job. Interviewed for a job last week that I am very interested in and I hope I get an offer and it all pans out for me. I am ready to go. With that said, what can I do to try to get myself back on track? I feel so listless an disinterested in getting back. I know I want to lose 15 more pounds still. I have already gained three back. Okay, this is it! Here I am. I will eat a normal dinner and try my hardest to be healthful and well. Not just throw cheese and butter on stuff with no regard to calories. I had chips at lunch time. An egg and cheese English muffin for breakfast with butter. And its not horrible but for me this is how I drift upwards. I have been reluctant to post because I feel so disinterested. I keep thinking I want to get to the gym or buy a treadmill. What if I just start ONE task at a time. I have been putting everything important off. It started with the covid shutdown and here I am 2 plus years out still not taking care of any of these things.  Okay, so I am going to do this. Tonight I will exercise after dinner. No cocktails. I will have a small dessert that is sugary but does not have flour.

Checking in for me…

/ Rachel H. / Leave a comment

I had a horrible cold and it dragged on for three weeks, it totally threw me off my focused mode of diet and exercise. So here I am, accountable for me and my lack of commitment to me. You fall off the wagon and then from there its “one thing” after another that causes you not to get back on task. First it was very important job interview LAST MONDAY that I had spent a lot of time prepping for. Then over the weekend I had a project to complete and though I did a good a job it was NOT good ENOUGH because it was missing some elements. So here I am feeling bloated and unhealthy. Feeling sad. I want to get back to my diet and exercise and lose the last 15 pounds that are sitting mostly on my waist. I already know the KEY to my success if being accountable for my calories, scale number and my measurements. That is the KEY for me to be successful. I didn’t count calories yet today. But I will exercise! I will get on the scale tomorrow and move forward in this positive direction because this is what I want for myself. No one is perfect.  My health and body is important. Its not about being “skinny” its about being healthy, confident and looking good in my clothes. Here I am – checking in for me!

Do you FITNESS?

/ Rachel H. / Leave a comment

I am 46 years old. In my 20s I walked, ran, and did step aerobics. I considered myself to be fit! Which has been interesting since when I was younger, I was a smoker (from age 13-21), and I was not athletic. In my early 30s I had my daughter and I struggled to find myself again. I was not one of those mothers who was great at balance and doing things for my family and myself. I was lost and struggled to find balance for years!

It was not until my daughter was around 8 that I started working out again. I did this thing where I decided to commit to fitness to battle off depression and it worked! But then my mother moved in in 2017 and I fell apart. Life had taken an unexpected turn and I did not love it. Fastforward to now, I am still floundering. I have decided that I am going to refocus my efforts on fitness because I am getting old and want to be strong and fit. Do not get me wrong, I still manage to walk a few miles a couple of days a week, but I want to work out more than that. I would like to get back to jogging.

So, I was contemplating buying a treadmill. I had one many years ago and used it all the time and loved it. But will I still enjoy it? I like being outside more than on the treadmill. It is a huge financial investment, and the part that bugs me the most about treadmills is they weigh a ton!

I also love step aerobics. I am a huge fan of Jenny Ford Fitness. I also love lifting weights. So, I am kind of up in the air. I also am a mother of a daughter who is 12 going on 13 and she needs exercise too. I have been contemplating just getting a treadmill for here and going to classes twice a week with her for kickboxing. It would be a fun way for her and me to get fit and get out of the house.

I decided to write this down because it has been on my mind, and I have yet to commit to anything other than simple walks. What do you do for fitness? What do you recommend?

How to emotional eat

/ Rachel H. / Leave a comment

Since September I have been slowing fall into the abyss of off the wagon. Please know I am in no way done! I am not giving up myself. What is emotional eating for me? So it’s when I am stressed, no longer counting calories (because thats when I get out of control), and I tend to eat bad foods; and all foods at a faster rate. I eat while I am cooking my meal and after I am done when I am full.

Emotional eating I usually eat faster, as though those calories don’t count as much. And I will eat much more and unmeasured. Today I will focus on slowing down and marking it all down and being back on the wagon. When I am emotional eating I am also not weighing myself. AND I also gave up on fitness because it doesn’t seem worth it. Meanwhile my body aches from lack of activity.

It’s 5:30AM as I write this and I am just starting the day and plan to be on track. I know me, it needs to be all the time and I believe it is sustainable and not difficult. The reason I fell off was losing faith in me; and beating myself up. I have been pretty unhappy about my job and wanting to move on. I have been interviewing and its stressful. Not the interviewing part but the actual moving on. I am not proud of the company I am currently at and what they stand for. I am ready to move forward with a new adventure. And that also means I will probably take a pay and benefit cut. That’s the part that is not easy.

So here I am commiting to today. I will do more for myself. I will not give up on myself. I will treat my body well and pray.

Work Stress

/ Rachel H. / Leave a comment

The past two months have been really challenging. I have been trying to stay focused and pray a lot. I don’t see a solution I agree with. I am prepared to leave for less money but I don’t even have an offer that is less money. I am still struggling against it and praying. I am coming to terms with choices I don’t want to make. I will wait till the last second in hopes that it will work out and a miracle will happen. My phone isn’t ringing. There appears to be no hope.

In terms of diet and exercise yesterday I put in my first of 4 days this week that I will workout. Interestingly enough, if I put a number on this when I fall off the wagon it helps me get back on the wagon. Typically I start out here 3 – 4 days of fitness but if I fall off I am usually at that point of 6 to 7 days a week feeling like if I don’t do it then I am nothing. Then it bleeds into weeks and months of doing nothing. Does anyone else experience this? Its how I have gained weight too being depressed thinking later I’ll pay attention to this. And months go by and pounds go up. Its worth it to stay focused even when we are down in the dumps and stressed.

When you need fitness the most (during times of high stress) seems like its the hardest to make that time for yourself. I will do it though because I want to be healthier and feel better.