My favorite topic! This week I only had one drink. I am amazed by how much drinks slow down the process of weight loss. I am trying to limit myself to one day a week having a couple of drinks at most. I can totally see my vision of losing these 20 pounds! I couldn’t before but I feel confident that I can get there I don’t feel like I am starving at all. Previously I felt hungry as heck. It’s probably why its coming off so slowly. Perhaps if I start doing step with walking it will help me to achieve it faster.

And it’s on…

So, I have been eating better and exercising for the past week or so. I did my zigzag day and gained 1.4 pounds. Which brough me back to my starting weight. I am guessing based on calories ingested it was more an issue of dehydration, as I ate pizza and drank alcohol. But I am thinking about weight loss that I would like to try for a week. I like having eggs during the week, but I am wondering if they are high in hormones. I would suspect that they are since what it is! I am going to try a week of plain toast. I cut coffee and cream and stopped with cheese on such a regular basis. My guess is that I am imbalanced (and old). So that is my new plan just for a week to see how it pans out. I will get some muffins and bread.  

It is funny how disappointed I get when I am trying to lose weight, with how slowly it comes off. I hear about people who just portion their meals and lose weight. I stay the same. Ok, wait I get so defeatist. The truth is it comes off it I just slow. I need to work at adjusting though. And I also wonder if I am not being honest enough with myself over my calories. I will work on making sure I document everything.  

Coffee Quitter… 

And my journey continues. The first week was odd, almost euphoric! I wonder if it was the newfound blood going to my brain! This week I have been down, but I still feel great about the choice to quit. I am calmer but I still have anxiety. I had headaches on Wednesday and all week I had vivid dreams. So, one thing I know causes those dreams is hormones. Also, according to research, I have done it has to do with getting better deeper sleep because your body does not get that when you drink coffee! The reason the dreams tend to be longer and vivid is because your body is trying to stay in the REM sleep state longer due to the deprivation of it from the coffee.  

I have been tired but not as tired as I was the first four days. It fascinates me the withdrawals that happen when you quit. I put the coffee machine away and I gave my brother my unopened bag of joe. I am just officially done. I was hoping that coffee being gone with wake stuff up in my body for weight loss. I know there are claims it helps but it never helped me in the past. The biggest thing it did was suppress my appetite while trying to put off eating. But then I would be ravenous later. 

And I am up 10 pounds

Ever since last November I have been off the rails struggling and it has steadily gotten worse. I am in such a dark place with work and homelife being stressful. It’s all one place. I started a new job in April. I had another family member move into my already small home. I am not happy at all with my life decisions. The job I started is not my tech skill set at all and I am pretty much lost. And I am miserable with this change. This morning I decided to find out my weight after I put on my sports bra and felt like I put on a corset and there it was 10 of my 20 pounds I worked so hard to lose last year. Here I am, despite feeling like I want to crawl under a rock attempting to show up for my health. I am 46 years old, soon to be 47. It’s all that I have left in this short life. So today is the first day of this and I will take some steps. I am here to attempt to get back on track and I will do measurements as well.

A few days ago, I speculated I was 165, thinking it was an over and estimate and I’d weigh myself when I was ready. Again, I go back to this, I always fall off track when I stop weighing myself but really it was more the stress. I will try to not weigh in daily but to get back on track and weigh in again next week?? I don’t know I am such a strong advocate on the daily weigh in. I have lost what type of foods work best for a calorie deficit.


By the way the guy who always disappears, faded away for more than his two-four-week stint and it was about 4 months. I decided to check out some stuff online and found he went to a dress up event with ex during that time frame. I am all done with this.

How to get back on track?

Last year I was able to make some positive weight loss and health changes but then the stress started mounting towards the end of the year. With vaccine mandates at work and just being so discouraged by my current job. Things were going badly fast. And I had an offer, of much less money, that was local. I should have taken the offer, but I did not. It was one of those highly regrettable moments in your life when you reflect on it. It really disturbed my world. I have been struggling ever since. And seriously disgusted with me. Here I am, I have a new offer. I am taking it despite having some qualities I do not agree with because there are key factors that meet certain life-related needs.  

But I wonder do those “life-related” needs outweigh the quality of work you do? I am having a challenging time explaining this but what I mean is who you work for and what you work on? Like the task itself is important because it is my trained skill. But what I mean is the company you keep. Like what if I worked with an organization or team that helps the same values as me? I would find more joy and self-fulfillment. Just something that has been on my mind as I moved into working for a company that claims it does good things (like my current job does) but it really does not align with what I consider good.  

With all this weighing on my mind and heart, and changes at home being stressful, I am so far off the wagon, and I can see it sitting on my waist. And aside from that I am not fit anymore. Just fat. I have not been able to get back onto the fitness track since I moved to this state 20 years ago. That is a long time. I had a stretch in 2016 that I was doing it!  

What is my point? This makes me laugh because for the BEST of days to get on track and make healthy changes around the 27th of the month! And here it is March 27, and when I finished my lunch, I said enough is enough, and logged my calories so far for the day. Tomorrow I will get back on the scale and today I will start doing step again. I want to get back on track both with my fitness and calorie counting deficit. I am 46, and I will be 47 this year. My health is not great. My state of mind has been dark. I will work to get more focused but also to love myself more. To stand for me and my daughter.  

Life happens. I get it. I just wonder how I will strive to give myself and my daughter better.  

Sugar and Alcohol Tie??

Yesterday I returned to logging calories. So this is interesting to me. Apparently I have been eating more sugar because last night I was craving alcohol even though I haven’t been drinking but 1 day every week or two. The way that my body reacts when I do these changes and the correlation with alcohol is fascinating! So perhaps my craving for alcohol is tied to a craving of sugar more than being buzzed? You realize how much your diet lapses and how quickly.

I was not perfect yesterday but I did record and ate ok for most of the day. I had a couple of extra things but this is the step in the right direction. I am proud of myself for making these changes.

Todays goals:

  • record food
  • drink 5 glasses of water
  • exercise
  • eat veggies

Weighed in the morning at: 156.4 lbs.

Short term goal: 150 lbs.

Long term goal: 140 lbs.


Ok, so you have decided to lose weight! All the diet books say to cut out alcohol, but you don’t drink that much maybe a glass a wine after dinner or a beer or two a night. Maybe three nights a week you have a drink? Maybe on the weekends you have two or three drinks? So this is interesting to me because I never considered myself a big drinker. My ex used to drink a six pack each night and on the weekends and Wednesdays he’d drink more. With that I also drank more with him. We haven’t been together for many years but old habits die hard. I would have a drink each night and sometimes on the weekend I have 2-3 drinks on Friday or Saturday. Or both! For a stretch my favorite time to drink was at 3pm! I’d have two or three drinks. Geez, does this make me a drunk?

When I started trying to lose weight I decided to cut back on my cocktails. I decided to limit myself to a drink on Saturday or every other Saturday. I have found the less I drink the less I want to drink. I am looking forward to having no more beer in my fridge! I prefer not to have it. This past weekend I went for margaritas and though I had a good time I felt terrible the next day. And it wasn’t that great. Tons of calories, sugar, and dehydration. I don’t feel less fun because lately everything has been stressful and less fun. I have fun doing stuff without drinks.

This topic is interesting to me because I have always enjoyed cocktail hour.

Less Alcohol the Less Alcohol

I cut back on having drinks but maybe once a week. Here is the part that’s weird, the less drinks I have the less I want to drink. I had two drinks last night and I they were ok but I am just not feeling it. It’s interesting that when I first started this was such a big deal for me and hard to fight off the want for drinks! I’ve really cut back on sugar and I feel great about it.


This is truly my favorite, even more so than dessert! But since I’ve been eating better and only having drinks twice a month I’ve noticed when I do drink, and I’m talking only two drinks, it’s too much! That I’m quite tipsy! The last time I went for drinks they hit me so hard and the next day I felt mentally terrible. It makes me wonder if my brain chemistry is different since I’ve cut back, it just seemed odd.

Does anyone else experienced depression and anxiety the day after drinks?


Last night I went for dinner and drinks. Since I have been trying to lose weight I have stopped having drinks during the week and I have been having a drink every other weekend. So I splurged and had a second drink with my dinner. The second drink was more than enough, and I was toasted. I don’t know that the drink was really strong or if it was just me but I have decided no more second drink for me. The last two times I have gone for a drink the next day I feel horrible. Not a typical hangover but my brain chemistry is off. I feel depressed and anxious, I used to experience this when I was younger too. My balance is off today too, I am still tipsy? Not sure how that’d be possible. I am questioning if I want to even drink anymore. Nothing good came out of it, it wasn’t that fun. I had an okay time but where is the fun in feeling like you had too much and your next day is ruined.

Before I would have a drink a few nights every week, but I got serious about trying to lose weight so I cut back. The first two weeks I wanted a drink every night. I actually craved it, and that was strange to me. Because I didn’t consider myself addicted. I was thinking it was a filling nature of it that I probably craved more than the feeling. But that last two times I have gotten drinks I have questioned if I want to stop drinking totally. The cravings for drinks during the week have dissipated, but I wonder if my reaction to getting drinks has caused that. Last night the drinks made me so dehydrated that I woke up with a sore throat today too.

I am not stepping on the scale today. Its my rest day today.

I hope I recover and feel better tomorrow. Drinking water and had a healthy breakfast. Onward, alcohol free.