what wagon?

I was doing so great and it started with the matcha lattes. Then it moved to September and wanting coffee. And this is the weird thing, with decaf that over indulgence started! Tomorrow I am ditching coffee again. I want to get down to 125 pounds. I can’t even imagine its been over twenty years since I’ve be that light. So I am getting back on track as of now. Well as of tomrrow. Cutting out coffee again even though its decaf. I think it makes me feel like trash.

Ode to Coffee

Around August I started getting Iced Matcha Latte’s as a treat. They have caffeine in them. In September I was really craving coffee. I knew I didn’t want to start drinking coffee again so I tried having a decaf. It’s odd, since I have been drinking the decaf I have been experiencing more cravings. I am going to test out no a week with no decaf coffee or Green Latte’s! Because I have gained two pounds and I am more compulsive about my eating. I have been wanting to munch even when I am not hungry! So I will try to get back on track with this change. Hopefully this is the difference. I have even been craving alcohol and eating more desserts.

On a side note I did it, I finally ordered a treadmill. I am worried about it but whatever happens, happens.


So I have been really depressed since September and I realized today I need to start working out more. I really want to run again. I miss that most. I feel like I have no space for this in my life anymore. Like I will be judged no matter where I am. If I do this at the track with the kid I get laughed at. If I do this at the gym I feel like a rusty old fat woman. If I do this at home I have people here listening to me too. I don’t know why I am feeling this way. I feel rusty and sour. Who cares if I am loud and people laugh and make fun of me right? I know so silly.

Decaffeinated Coffee…

September rolled around I started craving coffee, after months of none! So I decided to have a cup of decaf to start the day each day last week. Only one week of doing this and my heart rate is up by 10 bpm. How is this even a thing? So whatever is in the coffee is what causes it, and it is not the caffeine? I will not have any this week to see if it becomes normal again. Maybe it was just a stressful week last week!

Return of Intuitive Eating

Please note I don’t believe in the ideology or studies of intuitive eating. It might work for you but it does not work for me. And here are my thoughts on topic.

A friend of mine who is a little younger than me seems to be following the same journey as me. She had used noom and saw some success but then got off track. She is middle aged and goes to college part time while working and experiences probably a moderate level of stress. Life is challenging! Anyway, she fell off the noom track and stayed where she was from the weight loss but then lost control again. And now she is at the part of the journey where she is reading intuitive eating.

Intuitive eating in a world where we have healthy, natural, none processed foods, yes. Intuitive eating in the world of constant diets, chemical foods, fatty zero nutrition food, no. I am sorry it does not work and the reason is that intuitive eating tells you to eat the thing you want, and do what you want. Eventually your weight will balance out.

Intuitive eating go me to 175lbs. It didn’t help me. There was no balance just weight gain. The friend informed me that diets don’t work. They actually do but the thing is that you need to maintain and realize that the way you ate before will always yield the same results. I have been stuck for about a month. I need to get back on track because I want better. I would actually be ok with this weight if I worked out. This week I am attempting to do better. To add three days of fitness and still walk. Here is to be a better more fit version of Me. 🙂

Diet Disinformation Industry

The past 4 years have been so enlightening for me. The realization that the diet industry is trash, and working with all the other bs industries to just take your money and keep you sick. Don’t get me wrong, yes KETO might work for you, clean eating might work… The secret is, do what works for you. Don’t think there is special magic pill. Weight loss takes a long time and requires a lot of dedication. When you get there it is not over either. There is no profit in healing your problems. There is a profit in confusion and a constant state of feeling discontent. Maybe you’d give up chasing the diet but then you’d turn to your doctor. Maybe you’d get surgery, if you don’t you will need medication to help solve the health problems caused being overweight. I love the concept of high volume and low calories.

Another weird week

I have been kind off in terms of my fitness since my knee injury. In case you didn’t know I fell in my bathroom and it basically rocked my world for about a month. LOL. I really hurt myself; like the worst injury I have ever sustained from a fall. So I have been slow to get back to fitness. And it is paying a toll I have been a bit depressed. My heart rate is higher! I am struggling in general with work and life and person positivity and happiness. This is typical right? I was in a better place but all the drama of world was like static and made things worse. So I had another week with no weight loss change but I am not by any means done just a bit stagnant. I got some variety of eats for this week because I need to mix it up; I start getting bored. I also really need fitness. I made the plunge to get the treadmill and 15 minutes later the peanut gallery talked about how they could fix the basement to be space. It is not a proper bedroom. I opted to cancel it. Whatever. I don’t know. Overall I did well in terms of eating. I think I was snacking more. But I did still stay realistic. I didn’t gain. I do want to start doing step in the morning for 45 minutes and weight lifting at night. That would be ideal. I wanted to treadmill run but where will the treadmill go?? No idea. I have no space here. No space that is my own.

Stuck for two weeks

It happened to me again, where I was stuck for two weeks then presto the scale dropped two pounds. It was pretty amazing after being at the plateau. Like my body was holding on the weight or I was suffering from water retention or bloating. I am 47 years old and I had a hysterectomy so often I am going through pms and I probably don’t even know it (as I still have my ovaries). I just suffered from two days of hungry horrors, from waiting too long to eat then over indulging so I won’t see any changes probably the rest of the week. I have been not walking as much since my disaster injury of falling in my bathroom but I am slowly getting back on track and I am torn between getting a treadmill for the winter or using the gym paired with at home workouts. What do you like to do? When I was younger I loved my treadmill but will I love it here in this house with my boarders and having to do this in my basement? Probably not.


So, it’s been about two weeks I have been stuck fluctuating at 155 pounds. I am at the lowest calorie
can eat because my body is always so resistant to weight loss. I have been walking regularly. I did ha
knee injury about three or four weeks ago, so I have slowed down. But today I am back trying to get (
track. It is not my diet that is off but the additional movement and exercise. My knee is finally somew
I like using the scale because it helps me to see when there is a problem. I might be missing calories.
have been trying to clean up the nibbling I do. Yesterday I had an amazing dinner of a turkey burger a
a brownie for dessert. Today I think I will try to have yogurt for dessert instead. I thought about trying
those beach body bars as a “dessert” as well. After dinner at nighttime, I need to feel like I have desse
I could cut one in half and divide it throughout the day as a “snack”

  • I think I will try that as a mix in.
    One thing that I think happens with a plateau is that we know what works and see it and then we get
    the stop mark, and we are kind of off track from the adjustments mode to find to the right mix but the
    we must go back to the wheel. To reassess what was working to try new things to find a new mix. That
    probably made no sense at all. I know I need to add more fitness into my work out especially since the
    knee injury.
    Something else I notice is I lose more weight when I sleep later. My body says thank you. I had to get
    today at 6am for a stupid work meeting. I have ten pounds left to go, so with that said I will try to find
    new tactics that work, and I want to try to find low calorie higher volume meals to try. I feel like I am
    missing out lately. And this weekend I didn’t even have a cocktail.

Sensitive to side effects

I am sensitive to medication and foods, where I experience the side effects. I’ve had people comment that its because I read about the side effects but this isn’t true. I usually read them after I start taking them because I notice the weird stuff. I have experienced a lot of side effects taking Wellbutrin, where I felt like my eyes were bulging and my jaw was clenched. It made me feel crazy anxious. Another medication I have tried that gave me side effects was prozac. I had the sexual dysfunction, dry mouth, jaw clenching, and brain zaps. After the past couple years my take on medications like this have changed a lot. What you eat makes a big difference in your mental state as well as exercise. I am not judging you if you prefer or need medication, I am saying that it is not an option for me. Nothing is perfect. So foods with chemicals in them effect me. Do you experience that as well?