Around August I started getting Iced Matcha Latte’s as a treat. They have caffeine in them. In September I was really craving coffee. I knew I didn’t want to start drinking coffee again so I tried having a decaf. It’s odd, since I have been drinking the decaf I have been experiencing more cravings. I am going to test out no a week with no decaf coffee or Green Latte’s! Because I have gained two pounds and I am more compulsive about my eating. I have been wanting to munch even when I am not hungry! So I will try to get back on track with this change. Hopefully this is the difference. I have even been craving alcohol and eating more desserts.

On a side note I did it, I finally ordered a treadmill. I am worried about it but whatever happens, happens.

So I have been really depressed since September and I realized today I need to start working out more. I really want to run again. I miss that most. I feel like I have no space for this in my life anymore. Like I will be judged no matter where I am. If I do this at the track with the kid I get laughed at. If I do this at the gym I feel like a rusty old fat woman. If I do this at home I have people here listening to me too. I don’t know why I am feeling this way. I feel rusty and sour. Who cares if I am loud and people laugh and make fun of me right? I know so silly.

September rolled around I started craving coffee, after months of none! So I decided to have a cup of decaf to start the day each day last week. Only one week of doing this and my heart rate is up by 10 bpm. How is this even a thing? So whatever is in the coffee is what causes it, and it is not the caffeine? I will not have any this week to see if it becomes normal again. Maybe it was just a stressful week last week!