I fell of the regimented structure of my “diet.” I am going to attempt to lose weight without a diet, recipe for failure? I woke today and looked at the scale and said NO.

I have never been able to successfully lose weight without having a specific outline, not a canned one from the store or online but using my own typically works. Mine involves a regimented calorie deficit with exercise. The problem is I struggle with consistent motivation to track etc.

While cleaning this past weekend I stumbled on a wall calendar where I marked off all my fitness and wow. I was so consistent, that was 2016. Before my father passed away and I had to rush to my mother’s aid. Then she got cancer. Then I started a new job. Then we moved. Then covid. Then homeschool. Then mandate drama. So much has sidetracked me. What if each day I paused before it starts and I try to focus on living my best life. That saying annoys me but I feel it is something I am missing. Why is it expected that I help my mother? I feel like I have done more than I should for way too long. And I have been selfless.

There is so much going on in the world that is bad. I want to stay abreast of these ongoings, but work, fitness, and kid are top priorities to me. But it is also important for me to do things that make me happy. I am struggling with free time already. We can’t catch up with school. And is it all for naught? Will she test at actual grade level for the program I want her to attend? I can’t bother with that.

So where my head is at? I want to start being more aware with portions, eating slower, smaller, and less junk / dessert. I am going to pick up the pace with fitness because I need more and it will help my mental state. So here I am again trying still.