Last June I dove into weight loss and lost almost 20 pounds. Have of what I had wanted to lose all total. And ever since I have been floundering to get back into fitness and weight loss. The question has floated by me, what if I am done and just do not care enough anymore? But I do care. So here I am. Not post an article berating myself or talking about being on track or getting on track. Ok the last one. The stretch from last September until now has been difficult. With all the covid stuff happening and my work. It has been a challenge for me personally and I am sure MANY others have as well. I will not beat myself up over falling off track or going out to eat a bunch of times last week, but I will do this…
Today I am going to track my food and start getting back on the task. I will take the step. My sports bra is tight around my chest again. I DO NOT want to return to 175 pounds. That was gross. Tomorrow I will weigh it. A friend of mine did the weight watchers thing and swore by it but I have always found that if I track calories and try for a deficit, I am okay. I need to feel hungry at nighttime because that tends to show me, I did the right thing. Another step I would like to take is drinking a lot of water. I know it makes an enormous difference as well.
I have been wanting to work out and either get a treadmill or join a gym. I am embarrassed to go to the gym. I feel so out of shape and fat. The struggle for fitness has been real since I have been in my thirties. I am 46. Making the time for myself since I had my daughter has been a challenge but then every other reason is due to time or stress. So, I am back. Taking it ONE DAY at a time but tracking everything. Because I know that tracking is so important for me. That accountability makes me show up for myself.
For the past two years we have toyed with the idea of moving down south. My family ties are up here. Not because they put their foot down but I did because I thought it was for the best, but I am starting to wonder. My last move was because I needed my own space and here, I am again in that same position where we have outgrown because I am a push over and I am again without my own space. I am still resistant of such a massive life changing move. But everything in our lives is remote. And I am 46 years old. My life seems a bit empty and sad. I just wonder if I am living my best life by remaining here. Is it time for that change? It would give us more space. I used to stay here for him and the others. But how is staying improving or making our lives better? Can I afford a house down there? We could have warmer weather and a fence in the yard. New friends or a school?
I do not know I am still undecided, but it just recently hit me that this is not our best option anymore and I could get assistance to relocate.
Maybe it’s the time of year but I just can’t seem to get back on track. I am feeling lazy and horrible. Is it January and February pit? I actually can’t believe its already February! I fell off the wagon and I have floundered around unable to get back on track. I have been completely distracted with finishing school with my daughter, learning REACTJS, and finding a new job. Interviewed for a job last week that I am very interested in and I hope I get an offer and it all pans out for me. I am ready to go. With that said, what can I do to try to get myself back on track? I feel so listless an disinterested in getting back. I know I want to lose 15 more pounds still. I have already gained three back. Okay, this is it! Here I am. I will eat a normal dinner and try my hardest to be healthful and well. Not just throw cheese and butter on stuff with no regard to calories. I had chips at lunch time. An egg and cheese English muffin for breakfast with butter. And its not horrible but for me this is how I drift upwards. I have been reluctant to post because I feel so disinterested. I keep thinking I want to get to the gym or buy a treadmill. What if I just start ONE task at a time. I have been putting everything important off. It started with the covid shutdown and here I am 2 plus years out still not taking care of any of these things. Okay, so I am going to do this. Tonight I will exercise after dinner. No cocktails. I will have a small dessert that is sugary but does not have flour.
I had a horrible cold and it dragged on for three weeks, it totally threw me off my focused mode of diet and exercise. So here I am, accountable for me and my lack of commitment to me. You fall off the wagon and then from there its “one thing” after another that causes you not to get back on task. First it was very important job interview LAST MONDAY that I had spent a lot of time prepping for. Then over the weekend I had a project to complete and though I did a good a job it was NOT good ENOUGH because it was missing some elements. So here I am feeling bloated and unhealthy. Feeling sad. I want to get back to my diet and exercise and lose the last 15 pounds that are sitting mostly on my waist. I already know the KEY to my success if being accountable for my calories, scale number and my measurements. That is the KEY for me to be successful. I didn’t count calories yet today. But I will exercise! I will get on the scale tomorrow and move forward in this positive direction because this is what I want for myself. No one is perfect. My health and body is important. Its not about being “skinny” its about being healthy, confident and looking good in my clothes. Here I am – checking in for me!