How to: Jump back on the wagon

When you fall off the wagon it is a slippery slope to get back on track. Previously when I’d fallen off, I went a rampage and wanted to eat all the wanted and whatever I wanted until I was “ready” to back in diet mode. I know you know what I am talking about!! It’s that meal attitude!!

So here is my 3 step approach to get back to your diet and healthy eating:

  1. Log your food. This is the first thing I throw out the door when I fall off the wagon. It’s so important to be honest with yourself and every single calorie you intake! Even drinks. Logging your food seems like a pain but you’ll find you eat similar foods and apps make it easy. It takes probably total of 15 minutes out of my day. Its a practice that helps me stay focused and realize when I am over indulging!
  2. Get up and go for a walk. I want to do more than this, I always want to do more than this! I see myself running! But even a simple walk will help with burning calories and if you enjoy it then its enough.
  3. Drink lots of water. This is one of the other things that I forget to do! Its interesting how you can just NOT want to do something then do it and realize what a major difference it makes to your body when you drink lots of water. I like to drink my water out of glass and I suggest you do the same! Its so much easier to drink and its cleaner.

You are probably think that’s it? Yes, that’s it. When you take small actions and do them every single day even if they are not perfect they will pay off over time Please be kind to yourself!

The scale!!

The one thing that always really bothers me when I am not tracking is I feel fearful to look at the scale because I do this this thing when I am not tracking where I eat my cravings. This is how I gain weight!! So I have come here and I have confessed this so I will not do this and I will do my best to eat healthfully today! And monitor my calories and tomorrow weigh myself. The reason being is just because I am not 400% diet minded doesn’t mean I should not not stay focused on my health. So sat it with me; do small parts even if your mind is elsewhere so you stay aware of what is important to you! You and your health.

A diet lag

I’ll admit it’s been in the making. Ok, so I was 100% on board with diet and health and then some really stressful stuff surfaced at work. Like scenarios that are unheard of; requiring me to make life decisions that were major. If you are live on planet earth you have heard of covid19 and if you live in America right now you will have heard about the covid jabs being pushed hardcore by the current administration as well as by corporate America. It was something I was against doing and I waited till the last second to get it. I did in fact get it on 11/10. I had a very severe reaction and I am still experiencing weirdness from it and feel it in my heart and chest now. My arm still has weird sensations. I filed the issues with my doctor but there is only so much they can do. I am contemplating a follow up appointment to have my heart checked. Mind you I was health before this.

So with all this drama I have not be as careful with my diet and or calorie count. Please do not discount me. I hope to get back to this full throttle at the start of the 2022. I am not giving up. This is not a surrender. I have been trying to drink lots of water, relax, exercise and chill. Not get too worked up about things. I have been doing stretching as well and praying.

Time to dig deep

The past two months have been a negative whirlwind. I know I am not alone. I feel terrible but I am trying to wipe the dust off and move forward. I woke up today and went for a long walk despite feeling bad. I had french toast and counting my calories. I am back to work at losing my 10 -15lbs. I am really close a good weight for me. I know I can do this. How do we find that strength? Its when you have dig deep right?

So here I a ready to dig deep.

Anxiety Issues

So to explain more of what I was referencing in my weird rant yesterday. I do this thing where I present myself with a ton of decisions/solutions to solve an existing problem then I cannot make a decision due to being paralyzed with analysis. Today is the day where I need to make the call. It’s a good opportunity doing something that is more creative and hope LESS technical!!! But the reality of starting a new job has set in. That’s the worst.

The pros of staying put:

  • I am remote
  • Paid a lot
  • Great benefits
  • I am familiar with how things work though I don’t love it

The cons of staying put:

  • Company has a strong political leaning
  • Going into cloud dev with the worst of the worst
  • I don’t like what I do
  • I feel in over my head
  • mandates with lack of flexibility in terms of certain things due to the political lean

The pros of moving on:

  • Can submit paperwrok
  • Sounds less technical
  • Closer to home for the non remote days

The cons of moving on:

  • less money
  • less benefits
  • needing to start over
  • the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t

The pay is much less but its more than I made at my last job. It’s that fear of it being HORRIBLE. It’s kind of funny as less pay I equate to being easier but it might not be easier. They talk about collaboration sessions and stakeholders. Not that I can’t do that but I feel like a wet towel. I literally feel that way at my current job like I bring so little to the role. My boss has beem so supportive and great. This has always been an issue for me.

So I’d be working with a senior person so the weight will be on him. He has been there for 8 years. When I mentioned that it sounded like a good company I waited to see their reaction and he flinched a little. That’s funny. But I like that both of them have been there a long time. There was no mention of dealing with egos. I bet there are idiots because there are always idiots. But I bet there aren’t as much annoying people who suck and can’t clarify.

My Own Worst Enemy

I’m not sure what to even call this post. Maybe by the end I will have a better idea. All my life I have struggled with this issue. It probably can be associated with my current weight loss goals. It is an issue I’d identify as being anxiety related. I have been at a place of not being happy at my job. Wait let me kind of start at the beginning. Before I landed my current job I worked for a company that was a little bit on the slow side. My skills were valued then our manager was tossed aside. I have always struggled wth my personal self esteem. Then I got this massive financial offer to go to my current job. It was impossible to turn down the money even though I wanted to. My skills are okay, they found a place for me. But the roll is changing to a place that I am NOT interested in but also beyond my personal technical scope. I can learn but will I be fast enough? Aside from that the type of company I work for does not align with my morals and values. A lot of them at this point do not but my work very strongly does not.

I had interviewed for a job with a local company and I was so excited about it. I hounded the woman. I loved that I would use less technology and do what sounds like more design and creation. They made me an offer. The offer will make me step back to what I was earning before. I feel special because of confusion I cause myself over things like this. I was happy they didn’t offer me less but it is still a $25k pay cut. To be clear I earn WAY more than I deserve based on my skill set. I am not that good. I really low balled myself because I felt desperate to get the job.

So this is where I am. Confiused and fearful. I was told I could go into the office hybrid and the interview the lady today me the guy who was on the call goes in 1 day a week so they made it clear that it could be that LITTLE. My fear is the all the turmoil going on the country and new pay increases. Will this bring…. nightmare existence to us because I took such a big pay cut? I considered doing freelance and / or trying to earn side income. I cannot do that in my current job. So I guess I am here wondering what exactly I should do. I screwed myself over in terms of the vaccine because I missed the religous exemption time window. But I can still submit for that at the current role. I could try to go back with a counter and try to buy time to see what my employer says about potential changes due to vaccine mandates that are currently happening.

Another isse that I foresee is that I had this great interview for a job that is going in the direction that I THINK I want to go in? Though I don’t have any idea that I’d be any good its the direction I think that could be interesting to me. The question is why do I do this to myself? I create so much conflict and confusion? STOP

I KNOW WHY I AM DOING THIS. Its to protect myself from change even though I have zero interest in my job. And see no future there I do think to myself I can hang on for a year and get my grad degree then move on. Let’s break down the situation:

  • I do not like my current job
  • I do not like the future direction
  • I like the money and can afford grad school or training that could help me to leave my job
  • My job has better benefits
  • My job requires a vaccine that goes against my religious beliefs
  • I am fearful that I will not like or be able to do the new job
  • I am fearful that I will not have time to help my daughter with online school with new job
  • I am fearful the bad benefits and pay cut will harm my family
  • I am fearful the vaccine will harm my family
  • The devil you know is better thant he devil you do not that is my concern.

I felt so 100% positive about this until I got. Its not easy for the stars to align. They offered me more than I thought but less than I asked for!

I love in the bible when they say do not be afraid. I guess the word maybe isn’t fear that I feel. I feel concerned that it may not be the right decision to protect my daughter. I realize I can word extra but it will take away from my current strategy of doing ux / ui. Perhaps this is what is meant to be? To throw another stick into this I had an interview for a job on Friday that sounded great and another stick the original HR rep (who I felt like I could relate to, who had been with the offer company for 10 years) just quit. Being with a job for 10 years and leaving says a lot to me. That means something was foul. I look at the company and I do think stuff is probably foul there! Lol. Just because it a smaller company and heavy sales it happens. I tend to be quiet and weird when I first start somewhere but maybe I will feel more comfortable there will be a lot I am learning and Jenn was so nice to me and clear and she gave me this offer. Maybe its meant to be. Jenn has been there 20 years. That says a lot to me. I wonder how long Chris has been there. I should just go to the job and not look back. Step back from Grad school because I won’t be able to afford it that is for certain. At least not for YEAR.

Sooooo when I break it down; its the starting of a new role. Its the consideration that there is big change including benefits and the consideration that I will suffer a fiscal hit when we are preparing to be heavily taxed. Like I am sticking it to my family.

I always put up ideas for myself like if this matches to this then I will make a choice. Like I hoped to do the assessmet for the ui job this weekend and this toolbag NEVER sent it. The job has great reviews so how could HR be this unresponsive and slow.

So after listening to my heavily caffinated rant you think I should???

Today I think the Scale Made an Error

I weighed myself today and it said 152.4. I don’t buy it. I wonder if it was something I did to the scale that may have caused it or a battery loss. Its a digital scale. I just find it hard to believe that I went from 155 to that in a couple days. I have been tracking but I haven’t been perfect. It was definitely something amiss!! I think the balance within is off!

But while I think that I think I’ll take that lie! I have wasted so much time this week at work I need to get chopping as time is ticking and I have done so little. I cannot think straight.


Ok, so you have decided to lose weight! All the diet books say to cut out alcohol, but you don’t drink that much maybe a glass a wine after dinner or a beer or two a night. Maybe three nights a week you have a drink? Maybe on the weekends you have two or three drinks? So this is interesting to me because I never considered myself a big drinker. My ex used to drink a six pack each night and on the weekends and Wednesdays he’d drink more. With that I also drank more with him. We haven’t been together for many years but old habits die hard. I would have a drink each night and sometimes on the weekend I have 2-3 drinks on Friday or Saturday. Or both! For a stretch my favorite time to drink was at 3pm! I’d have two or three drinks. Geez, does this make me a drunk?

When I started trying to lose weight I decided to cut back on my cocktails. I decided to limit myself to a drink on Saturday or every other Saturday. I have found the less I drink the less I want to drink. I am looking forward to having no more beer in my fridge! I prefer not to have it. This past weekend I went for margaritas and though I had a good time I felt terrible the next day. And it wasn’t that great. Tons of calories, sugar, and dehydration. I don’t feel less fun because lately everything has been stressful and less fun. I have fun doing stuff without drinks.

This topic is interesting to me because I have always enjoyed cocktail hour.

Work Stress

The past two months have been really challenging. I have been trying to stay focused and pray a lot. I don’t see a solution I agree with. I am prepared to leave for less money but I don’t even have an offer that is less money. I am still struggling against it and praying. I am coming to terms with choices I don’t want to make. I will wait till the last second in hopes that it will work out and a miracle will happen. My phone isn’t ringing. There appears to be no hope.

In terms of diet and exercise yesterday I put in my first of 4 days this week that I will workout. Interestingly enough, if I put a number on this when I fall off the wagon it helps me get back on the wagon. Typically I start out here 3 – 4 days of fitness but if I fall off I am usually at that point of 6 to 7 days a week feeling like if I don’t do it then I am nothing. Then it bleeds into weeks and months of doing nothing. Does anyone else experience this? Its how I have gained weight too being depressed thinking later I’ll pay attention to this. And months go by and pounds go up. Its worth it to stay focused even when we are down in the dumps and stressed.

When you need fitness the most (during times of high stress) seems like its the hardest to make that time for yourself. I will do it though because I want to be healthier and feel better.


It’s not much but this morning I worked out for 20 minutes. I had forgotten how much this helps my spirit! There is something to be said for this. It helped a little with the back pain I have had for the past two weeks due to stress as well. I lifted weights for a little and did step for Jenny Ford. I am so grateful I was able to do this and I hope to take time to go for a walk at lunch today to clear my mind and re-center myself. What’s interesting for me is that its really not about the weight loss in terms of fitness though it’d help. It’s about the mental space it puts me and helps with!! I feel so much better when I take even a small portion of time for myself.