Choosing your health

When I first started this journey I was choosing the want to be thinner and healthier. To fit into my clothing better and to love myself more. There are days I am pissed its taking so long but it took me 3 years to get here so I need to be realistic. But there is a clear difference between starting a diet to lose weight and changing how you are to be more healthful and live better. I still think there is crap in the foods we eat and its difficult to make healthier choices but as long as we do our best.

I love watching the videos when people lose weight and show how they progressed. Its so amazing and uplifting.

Weight loss plan, what works for you?

This is fascinating to me as everyone is different. I wonder what works for you to consistently stay on track and keep going down in weight? And what is normal for you? Right now I aim for 1150 calories a day, and based on the foods I am eating for the most part I am not feeling like I am deprived. When I do feel this way, once a week I enjoy extra calories under 1700. But I find it interesting with those calories, and with getting up and moving for an hour a day I am losing around 1 pound per a week. To me that seems like not very much. And if you go research there will be naysayers that claim I am cutting my calories too much. This is also not true as my scale was not moving with 1300 calories, or with me eating 1250 and subtracting calories burned! When I first started on Jun 27 I was seeing about 1 pound ever two weeks. I switched over to NOT paying any attentions to calories burned and used the number from to get my weight loss caloric intake. As long as I am swapping calories around and trying to eat things I enjoy I am ok! It’s not deprivation and gross stuff that you think of with a diet. And let me tell you, when are eating less, and eating healthier you really appreciate the meals you get.

I am also 46 years old and I just had a hysterectomy (still have my ovaries). I do wonder if my hormones are changing causing me to lose weight much slower than someone who is younger. Since I started my waist is almost 5 inches smaller!!!

Please share, what works for you?

Intuitive eating

This non diet, diet plan seems like such a great concept. By not focusing on food and just eating what you want that is “healthy” you will lose weight. I’m sorry that I can’t get over how dumb this concept is.

I mean yes, in theory it probably works for some people, because there is always someone. BUT we have gained weight for a reason, and I’d venture to say we were intuitively eating already. I know some people struggle with binge eating and the pressure of a diet and maybe the relax concept helps them?! But for me I just go off the rails on the crazy train. I really thrive on structure. If I have a guided concept I can keep going.

I know I’ve talked about this before, with the f it diet. They are very similar. I feel like those who gain tend to be out of control, and need to take some sort of control. Maybe I’m wrong but that’s what works for me.

Soul Searching and Fat Loss

As I go through this journey I have been soul searching. I’ve always wondered what the h*ll that meant when others did this but I think I finally get it. I probably would not have any thoughts on this but because I have been forcing myself to blog about my experiences this has forced me to soul search. It forces me to analyze different concepts and ideas in relation to weight gain, emotions, and myself.

This process has made me see certain aspects of how and why I am where I am right now. It’s helped me to develop a strategy moving forward to avoid from doing this again as long as I stand by what I know works. Its interesting to me that I have actually realized certain things about myself that I had not realized. I am not perfect and my weight loss is wicked slow but I am trying to do my best and reflect on what works and what does not.

Reality Check

When you first start dieting and exercising you are hit with a big reality check. The one where you realize weight loss is a slow and life long process. Its not just from her to the pretty dress or vacation. If you are in it for that you will realize quickly that it’ll come back once you stop trying to be focused. The truth is, if you aren’t one of those people who are naturally thin then you are with me in the battle. I know some are more fortunate than others. It’s just how life goes. You win some, lose some. No matter what!

The reality is if you are finding yourself in the position of needing to lose 20 + pounds there is a good chance you might be life me. You might need to always make sure you are within specific calories even after you lose the weight that you want to lose. My experience with my mother, who struggled with eating disorders for many years is that she always would say, “what am I am I going to do when I get to my goal weight.” Like as though there was no choice but to keep dieting at that point so you might as well give in? And as silly as it sounds that kind of stuck with me.

The last time I lost weight after I lost it I liked where I was at a weight that wasn’t my goal and then I started to just eyeball my calories. That got me here today, struggling to lose 30 pounds. Its interesting when you are on the up and if you life is full of stress you will make excuses. Well I did!

Point of this post is that sometimes when we start dieting we need a little reality check about your goal and your future.


A friend from school days that I have kept in touch with for 20+ years has always been a strong proponent for taking antidepressants. She has felt like she could not live without them and has always tried to convince that I should take them too.

Honestly, her push for them has been similar to experiences I had when I was younger being pressured by a bunch of kids to do coke. I have had 2 nights in my life that I remember experiencing intense pressure to do coke. You can’t make this stuff up! You’d think it’d be something out of a bad movie or tv show but it for real happened. It’s bizarre we live in this world that pushes drugs in every direction.

And please don’t get me wrong about antidepressants, I am not judging those who take them or her. It has helped her and was the right choice for her, and maybe even so far to say she didn’t have a choice but a need. But despite the issues I have its not something I am comfortable with.

I took prozac for about three months and I didn’t notice a big difference it was subtle. I was on a very low dose, but with that said I have noticed the same type of difference if I exercise everyday. It lifts my spirits and refocuses my stress / depression. It’s not perfect but neither are the pills.

Watching Paint Dry

You know the saying a watched pot never boils? I feel like that is also true with the scale. In one breath I am not sure I can stay on task unless I do a daily weigh in. In another I feel like a kid staring at the calendar in November wishing it was December 25th. Everyday when I weigh in I strategize for the next number or two down. I have been flickering around 164/165. This is kind of typical pending salt intake. I try to keep it within reason but some days I eat frozen foods and they are the worst.

At the end of the day I always come back to the its the right thing for me despite my impatience with the topic. But I have officially decided to start measuring every other week instead of every week. My numbers are so insignificant at this point. I almost wonder if I should go to once a month on that. I won’t yet but I’ll consider it.

After too many drinks and NACHOS

This past weekend I went for Margaritas! It was pretty good and the drinks were okay. They weren’t as good as usual. It was odd to me that I had so many drinks but felt not that much from them. I don’t want to be trashed, don’t get me wrong. But they were weak and actually made me feel a bit nauseous! I expected the worst when I weighed in today but was happy to see 164.2. I tried to rehydrate yesterday and eat within reason. I really didn’t eat that much it was more of the consumption of the drinking calories.

This week is the plan is to eat well and hope to see 163 soon.

Weight loss and my friend

I don’t have a large group of friends. Part of the celebration when you lose weight and friends noticing you have lost and look better. My friend lost a ton of weight. He looks good and I’m happy for him! He has lost 31 pounds!! That’s crazy. I have lost ten and feel amazing can’t imagine how great he must feel. I should offer more compliments. He has always been one of those yo-yo weight loss types. Where he loses a ton and three days later it’s back. I always think he looks good either way but always want his happiness.

Because of that I tend to not notice. He looks great and I can see the difference. It’s weird when you know someone fluctuates so much like that. I’m not judging I just feel bad I tend to not notice his hard work due to that he bounces up and down.

Lot of Drinks

So last night I went for margaritas and nachos! This is my zigzag day where I consume more calories. I probably ate more than I should but we had fun. I was tired today, and I did not weigh myself. Tomorrow I’ll be back to business as usual.