I just stumbled a post I made from 2016 when I decided to change my life to treat my anxiety, depression and weight issues with the medication of diet and fitness. I remembered how hard I worked and I did it everyday because I wanted to stop feeling bad for myself. I lost the weight I wanted and I was FEELING great.
The post was me celebrating five months of fitness!! I was on the right track! It was truly beautiful reading my words of inspiration. Then my father died and I forgot that this was important to me. Losing my father, gaining my mother, my mother getting cancer, my job becoming terrible, changing my job, buying a house, covid19, hysterectomy… I am not blaming all these things I just got caught up in all this and lost what was most important to me, ME.
On June 27, 2021, despite the world being a heaping fire of a mess around us, I started to take action to eat better and exercise regularly. My starting weight was 174 pounds, as of today it is 169 pounds. When I read the entry I posted back in 2016 weight loss was also slow for me back then and my patience was also tested. Yes my goal is to weigh less and fit into a better more comfortable size but its more than that, just as it was back then!
My goal is also a mental and physical journey. To feel better about myself mentally and physically. To be less stressed, depressed and anxious. To be a better and more loving mother who is more aware and helpful to my daughter. To live a good life. Okay, I want it all.
I want to celebrate my victories, not just the scale but also how important it is to me that I am not depressed. That I am not sitting here stressing. And yes my pants look a little better on me. Of course I want to have a longer life; but I want that longer life to be of value. For it to be worthwhile and one of strength.
This time when I started back up with fitness I noticed how much older I am, and how off balance the weight has made me. I am not angry with myself. But life is short, and if I stayed on my old path it would my last path it won’t be a path that is enjoyable. It will be riddled with aches, pains, ill-fitting clothes, and self abuse. I am blessed, and I thank God for this life.
I loved where I was in 2016 when I read that post which is surprising to me because, I have always felt like you don’t want to go back to where you were because its how you got here. But this has changed my mind, perhaps its not going back to where I was but seeing a glimpse of me at the time could be an enhance version of where I am not. I am happy my need to categorize posts made me read that old post as I forgotten about this.