September rolls into February?

I was doing great all last year and I was on a role. In September I started craving coffee again. I have been drinking decaf, but what I find odd is the lack of focus I have for my journey when I drink coffee. I am going to quit drinking it again. I also just started another new job. This past year has been hard. The job I had was a terrible match for me and this one I have no idea. Whatever at this point. Does it matter? I feel pretty confident I will have nothing when I retire either way. So at least I am working right? Anyway I am going to attempt to get back on the wagon tomorrow by logging my food intake and stopping with the decaf. I don’t think its positive for me. I will also try to eat more veggies. I am going to look into veggie food plans or salads because I enjoy that the most. It leaves me feeling lighter but satisfied.

January 2023

Welcome to January, the time when everyone decides to go to the gym and lose weight. I just spent the last month eating way too much salt. I am in the process of NOT letting it turn into weeks, months, and years of off the wagon. I am doing okay. Though I did just have a cookie with my breakfast. Here I am trying to get back to what I started. My plan is not part of a NY resolution though, I am all set with that! Mine is an always working on this.

I have been walking for a long time and though it works for some parts it not great for cardio, strength, or flexibility. Those are the areas I want to focus on this year. Sorry I have been struggling to wrap my brain around ideas lately. Busy with work and school and I don’t even know what else. Here is to a new year full of health, love, and friends.

what wagon?

I was doing so great and it started with the matcha lattes. Then it moved to September and wanting coffee. And this is the weird thing, with decaf that over indulgence started! Tomorrow I am ditching coffee again. I want to get down to 125 pounds. I can’t even imagine its been over twenty years since I’ve be that light. So I am getting back on track as of now. Well as of tomrrow. Cutting out coffee again even though its decaf. I think it makes me feel like trash.

Ode to Coffee

Around August I started getting Iced Matcha Latte’s as a treat. They have caffeine in them. In September I was really craving coffee. I knew I didn’t want to start drinking coffee again so I tried having a decaf. It’s odd, since I have been drinking the decaf I have been experiencing more cravings. I am going to test out no a week with no decaf coffee or Green Latte’s! Because I have gained two pounds and I am more compulsive about my eating. I have been wanting to munch even when I am not hungry! So I will try to get back on track with this change. Hopefully this is the difference. I have even been craving alcohol and eating more desserts.

On a side note I did it, I finally ordered a treadmill. I am worried about it but whatever happens, happens.


So I have been really depressed since September and I realized today I need to start working out more. I really want to run again. I miss that most. I feel like I have no space for this in my life anymore. Like I will be judged no matter where I am. If I do this at the track with the kid I get laughed at. If I do this at the gym I feel like a rusty old fat woman. If I do this at home I have people here listening to me too. I don’t know why I am feeling this way. I feel rusty and sour. Who cares if I am loud and people laugh and make fun of me right? I know so silly.

Decaffeinated Coffee…

September rolled around I started craving coffee, after months of none! So I decided to have a cup of decaf to start the day each day last week. Only one week of doing this and my heart rate is up by 10 bpm. How is this even a thing? So whatever is in the coffee is what causes it, and it is not the caffeine? I will not have any this week to see if it becomes normal again. Maybe it was just a stressful week last week!

Return of Intuitive Eating

Please note I don’t believe in the ideology or studies of intuitive eating. It might work for you but it does not work for me. And here are my thoughts on topic.

A friend of mine who is a little younger than me seems to be following the same journey as me. She had used noom and saw some success but then got off track. She is middle aged and goes to college part time while working and experiences probably a moderate level of stress. Life is challenging! Anyway, she fell off the noom track and stayed where she was from the weight loss but then lost control again. And now she is at the part of the journey where she is reading intuitive eating.

Intuitive eating in a world where we have healthy, natural, none processed foods, yes. Intuitive eating in the world of constant diets, chemical foods, fatty zero nutrition food, no. I am sorry it does not work and the reason is that intuitive eating tells you to eat the thing you want, and do what you want. Eventually your weight will balance out.

Intuitive eating go me to 175lbs. It didn’t help me. There was no balance just weight gain. The friend informed me that diets don’t work. They actually do but the thing is that you need to maintain and realize that the way you ate before will always yield the same results. I have been stuck for about a month. I need to get back on track because I want better. I would actually be ok with this weight if I worked out. This week I am attempting to do better. To add three days of fitness and still walk. Here is to be a better more fit version of Me. 🙂

Diet Disinformation Industry

The past 4 years have been so enlightening for me. The realization that the diet industry is trash, and working with all the other bs industries to just take your money and keep you sick. Don’t get me wrong, yes KETO might work for you, clean eating might work… The secret is, do what works for you. Don’t think there is special magic pill. Weight loss takes a long time and requires a lot of dedication. When you get there it is not over either. There is no profit in healing your problems. There is a profit in confusion and a constant state of feeling discontent. Maybe you’d give up chasing the diet but then you’d turn to your doctor. Maybe you’d get surgery, if you don’t you will need medication to help solve the health problems caused being overweight. I love the concept of high volume and low calories.

Another weird week

I have been kind off in terms of my fitness since my knee injury. In case you didn’t know I fell in my bathroom and it basically rocked my world for about a month. LOL. I really hurt myself; like the worst injury I have ever sustained from a fall. So I have been slow to get back to fitness. And it is paying a toll I have been a bit depressed. My heart rate is higher! I am struggling in general with work and life and person positivity and happiness. This is typical right? I was in a better place but all the drama of world was like static and made things worse. So I had another week with no weight loss change but I am not by any means done just a bit stagnant. I got some variety of eats for this week because I need to mix it up; I start getting bored. I also really need fitness. I made the plunge to get the treadmill and 15 minutes later the peanut gallery talked about how they could fix the basement to be space. It is not a proper bedroom. I opted to cancel it. Whatever. I don’t know. Overall I did well in terms of eating. I think I was snacking more. But I did still stay realistic. I didn’t gain. I do want to start doing step in the morning for 45 minutes and weight lifting at night. That would be ideal. I wanted to treadmill run but where will the treadmill go?? No idea. I have no space here. No space that is my own.

Stuck for two weeks

It happened to me again, where I was stuck for two weeks then presto the scale dropped two pounds. It was pretty amazing after being at the plateau. Like my body was holding on the weight or I was suffering from water retention or bloating. I am 47 years old and I had a hysterectomy so often I am going through pms and I probably don’t even know it (as I still have my ovaries). I just suffered from two days of hungry horrors, from waiting too long to eat then over indulging so I won’t see any changes probably the rest of the week. I have been not walking as much since my disaster injury of falling in my bathroom but I am slowly getting back on track and I am torn between getting a treadmill for the winter or using the gym paired with at home workouts. What do you like to do? When I was younger I loved my treadmill but will I love it here in this house with my boarders and having to do this in my basement? Probably not.